I wrote this about a month ago immediately after an "incident" with the principal at Quin's school:
Quin is in 8th grade and the kids are going on a trip up to the Wisconsin Dells at the end of the year. In order to raise funds for the trip the kids are doing various sale fundraisers and also helping do concessions and raffle type things at the school sporting events. Tonight (Nov. 14th) was a basketball game and Quin and my 2 other adopted/acquired teens, Jasmine and Shianne, had volunteered to do concessions for funds for the trip.
At a bit after 6:30 tonight, I got a phone call from the girls, all of whom were crying. I got them coherent enough to tell me what is going on and it was some convoluted story about how they had been told to do something by one adult, but then the principal countermanded the order and they were trying to get clarification because they had been doing what they were told and the principal was yelling at them and calling them names and they wanted me to come to the school. So, I told them I'd be there in a minute and ran down (the school is only about a block away) to find out what was going on.
I got there and got the girls side of the story and went in and they asked the principal to come over. You could see that he heard them, but he very studiously avoided acknowledging them. So I called his name and he suddenly found his hearing. He came over and I explained that I just got a phone call from 3 crying girls and asked if he could tell me what was going on. Please keep in mind that I went into this treating him as an equal and with respect, not all bent out of shape and ready to tear into him from the very beginning. He told me that they were yelling, screeching, and screaming at him (in those words). Now, within his first sentence, I already knew that he was lying. Obviously, he seemed to think that rudely patronizing me was the best path to head down. There was no reason for him to be rude to me right off the bat, and he was snotty from the get-go.
I'm not one of those parents who believes that their child can do no wrong, but on the other hand, I have raised Quin with one of my very first and highest rules being that we talk to adults with respect and we DO NOT raise our voices to them. I have been told nearly every time she is with other adults (like friends of the family or the parents of her friends) when they return her to me how very impressed they are at her manners and respect. In this case, Quin and the girls get the benefit of the doubt because I know that my kid is far more scared of breaking my rules about respect and then losing her gadgets and privileges than she is of anything that the principal might do to her.
So, I told him that I just want to know why he was calling them names. They told me that he called them babies, told them they were acting like 4 year olds, and called them stupid. I had them say what their claim that he called them was. He flew off the handle and I told him to calm it down and talk to me civilly. Keeping in mind that I am just barely 5 feet tall and just barely crack 100 pounds, he leaned up over me trying to be intimidating and started telling me that he won't be talked to in public this way and that I can call and make an appointment to discuss this. I told him that I would not call to discuss it, he could talk to me and get this resolved right now. He leaned up closer to me and started ranting, spittle flying, about showing him "the respect I owe him" and telling me that he'll deal with me privately. I told him that he can discuss it now or that we can have this discussion in the local media. I let him know that I was happy to let him make that decision, but if he continued to try to bully me like he just did to my child that it wasn't going to remain a private conversation. What surprised me the most was that he got all furious enough to fly off the handle when I had the girls repeat the names they said he called them, but he didn't deny doing it. So when I pushed the issue and asked again and he DID admit to having called them those names (though he disputes stupid and claims he told them they were "acting stupid") but readily admitted to calling them babies and telling them they were acting like 4 year olds it was just further confirmation that he had started off lying and had no compunction about continuing unless he got caught and the issue pushed.
At that, this man who appears to be in his late 40's/early 50's, STOMPED his feet and stormed away from me. The girls were still in tears at that point and I will be damned if this authoritarian little Nazi is going to retaliate on the girls because some uppity little stay at home mom (me) stood up to him and his bullying. This isn't his first offense, either. The girls have told me that he has bullied them previously and I assumed they were just being overly melodramatic. Then I started talking to some of the other parents. Many of them have told me similar things. He tries to bully the women and has tried to intimidate many of the men. That won't fly with me. I am not willing to accept that kind of behavior from someone that I am forced to trust with the safety of my daughter and to provide her with a safe learning environment.
Right now, I'm willing to let him have his foot stomping tantrum as the last word. I told Quin that if he bothers to apologize, to accept it gracefully and let it go. If he pretends it never happened and never brings it up again, to let it go. But, if he tries to give detentions or other punishment because I stood up to him, that she needs to let me know about it and I will handle the situation and she needs to just not mouth off or handle it herself because that could get her in legitimate trouble that she would have to accept punishment from the school for.
Unfortunately, Russ (my husband) wasn't home from work yet to go down there with me because, while he is unholy laid back and nearly impossible to make angry, he is huge and intimidating looking himself. People tend to have a much different attitude just by his presence. With me, on the other hand, I constantly have people trying to use my size against me to intimidate me. The thing is, most of them don't know that I'm the impetuous aggressive one who is far harder to intimidate. I am the one who will stand my ground and refuse to be bullied.
So, we'll see what happens, if anything, but having been told of this man being a bully to the girls, random friends of theirs and then also having their stories backed up and verified by other parents who have been on the receiving end of his temper, I'm certainly inclined to be much more vigilant and attentive to what the girls tell me is happening at school with him and I absolutely won't be quite so quick to shrug it off as them just being melodramatic teenage girls.
I did ask Quin after school on Nov. 15th if anything happened or if there was any interaction from the principal and she and the 2 other girls said that there wasn't and that he behaved as though nothing had happened.
It angers me that it happened, but I don't want to cause undue complications for Quin for the rest of her school years.
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